"Holiday Entertainment" by Bryan Colley

from the December 2009 issue of KC Stage

My favorite season is the holiday season, and here it is again with all its grand traditions: cutting down a beautiful tree to cover it with plastic lights and watch it wilt, emptying the bank account in a futile effort to thrill once-a-year relatives, and baking with ginger. There’s one tradition, however, that can’t be beat, and that’s bundling up and heading down to the Kansas City Repertory Theatre to see the venerable and never-changing holiday show, A Christmas Carol.

Wait a minute—I just flipped to the performances section and it says the Kansas City Repertory isn’t doing A Christmas Carol. They’re doing something called A Christmas Story. What? They’re doing a movie? How can you do a movie on stage? It’s probably full of singing and stuff, and I don’t mean the lovely Christmas carols in A Christmas Carol, but Broadway-styled showtunes. Showtunes! What’s Broadway got to do with Christmas? Where’s my Ebenezer Scrooge, ghost of Christmas past, and cute little Tiny Tim? How will I learn my lesson that greed is bad and giving is a blessing? How will I be guilted into displaying the required amount of holiday cheer? How can “oh fudge!” replace “bah humbug”? This is horrible! Christmas will never be the same.

What’s this I see? There are other Christmas shows out there besides A Christmas Carol? You mean there are other theatres hoping to cash in on the holiday spirit? Maybe the Kansas City Repertory is onto something. Maybe it is time for change. After all, it’s been a new century now for almost a decade. I’m ready to start a new tradition, and I call it “seeing as many of these so-called holiday shows as I can before Santa arrives with my good-boy loot.” I’ve made a list, I’m checking it twice, and I’m ready to cram in so much Christmas cheer that I’ll cry candy canes.

And just to show that I’m a good sport (or that old habits die hard), I’ll start by seeing what the Kansas City Repertory has to offer. I’ll go see this movie musical. After all, movies have been translated to the stage before (I still dream of a musical version of Robocop). As a matter of fact, it says the American Heartland Theatre is doing It’s a Wonderful Life. That was a movie, right? But it also says it’s a “live radio play.” Now I’m really confused. Movies, theatre, radio—all at the same time? What happened to rigidly divided lines between artistic mediums? Where’s the purity? I guess it doesn’t really matter, as long as it’s about Christmas.

The good part of going to It’s a Wonderful Life on stage is you get to see it in color, and I don’t mean that weird day-glo color that Ted Turner used to paint movies with. I’ve been watching that old black and white movie for years, and the new millennium demands color. The American Heartland Theatre is ready to give it to me, but they’re not the only ones. All you far-flung Kansans out there can also choose to see It’s a Wonderful Life at the Topeka Civic Theatre or at Emporia State University. All three are by different playwrights, so I guess I can just see all three versions and skip the movie this year. Fudge humbug, Mr. Potter.

Still, even with all the movie plays, I’ll miss my caroling. Nothing fills the air with joyous noise like “Silent Night, Holy Night” or gives me yuletide goosebumps like “Jingle Bells”. What’s Christmas without music? But what’s this I see in KC Stage? Well, deck my halls—there’s plenty of music out there in this city, and one show that looks very near and dear to my heart. The Dickens Carolers will be performing at the Chestnut Fine Arts Theatre. It’ll be like watching A Christmas Carol without all the spooky time travel stuff (I always made a point of visiting the restroom when the ghost of Christmas future showed up). It looks like my Christmas will be merry after all, and Christmas at the Chestnut doesn’t stop with Dickens, either. They’ve also got a sequel to The Taffetas called A Taffeta Christmas. Sequels are like movies. That’s one holiday-loving place.

There’s glorious holiday music happening all over the region. Folks in Lee’s Summit can enjoy the Holiday Magic of the Lee’s Summit Symphony Orchestra. The Civic Opera Theatre celebrates 25 years of opera magic with The Wise Women. The Heartland Men’s Chorus offers a different kind of magic with their holiday show, Fruitcake (oh, I get it). And the magical Musical Theatre Heritage promises A Spectacular Christmas, but I’m scared it might just be more showtunes. Yes, there’s plenty of music magic to go around, and I’ll enjoy every single note.

Of course, Christmas isn’t just for me. I’ve got the little ones to think about, and I know there’s some appropriately-themed material out there just for them. One of them is almost a movie, since it’s written by the guy that wrote The Wizard of Oz. It’s called The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus, and it’s at Blue Springs City Theatre. The kids are already looking forward to Madeline’s Christmas at the Theatre for Young America, and I suspect they’ll also enjoy The Nativity as presented by Paul Mesner Puppets. We might even make a day of it in Topeka and catch A Winnie the Pooh Christmas Tail. If you don’t get children started on these holiday traditions early, they may never take, and that could mean the end of civilization.

Now I know I promised to try and see everything holiday related, but every year there’s just a few shows I don’t get. These are shows that pretend to be about Christmas, but they don’t treat it with all the due reverence that our national holiday deserves. The most notorious of these, of course, is The Santaland Diaries, and I see that it’s being done this year by Sonlight Productions. The Mystery Train also has a show called Dressed to Kill, which doesn’t sound very Christmasy at all. I might go see them, but I won’t laugh at their irreverence. Then the Martin City Melodrama wants to make fun of Christmas with their Holiday Vaudeville and the—huh … The Ridiculously Reduced Christmas Carol. Could it be? Diet Dickens? And what’s playing at the Olathe Community Theatre? Mrs. Bob Cratchit’s Wild Christmas Binge? Cratchit is a character in A Christmas Carol, but this play is written by Christopher Durang. He’s famous, right? He wouldn’t be mean to Christmas. Well, maybe there’s more to this holiday than meets the eye, and maybe I’ll get a little Christmas Carol after all. See you at the theatre.

Subscribe to KC Stage for the print magazine and online access to the latest issue.